WIP Amnesty (The OC)
Sep. 18th, 2005 02:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
laughingtaleA Chrismukkah Miracle
The OC, Ryan/Seth. Written 9/18/05. 2994 words.
This was based on another dream I had, though a far more plausible and canon-compliant one.
It was Chrismukkah, and Seth was waiting for a miracle.
After all, it wasn’t every day your foster brother announced his engagement to your half-aunt – and it definitely wasn’t every day that you were miserable about it.
Ryan and Lindsay were positively glowing. They had matching rings and everything. And Seth wanted to kick them and then run screaming from the room.
After Trey’s death, things had taken a while to make sense again. While Seth and Summer were there for each other, Ryan and Marissa couldn’t handle the intensity of what had happened and their relationship quickly fell apart. Ryan wound up at college near Chicago and before long, he and Lindsay were back together, happy and in love (and glowing, Seth mentally added sourly). Seth went to Berkeley and Summer was at UCLA, but they spent as much time together as humanly possible.
So Seth didn’t know what his problem was. Things were great with Summer. She was perfect, everything he ever wanted. Why couldn’t he just be happy for Ryan?
Meanwhile, after breaking up with Ryan for the last time, Marissa had seriously tried to kill herself. She was still in rehab in San Diego – at the same facility they’d saved her from several years before.
Sandy and Kirsten were beaming at Ryan and Lindsay, standing across the kitchen island from them. “Well, I’d say this calls for a celebration,” Sandy said. He turned to Kirsten. “Honey, do we have any champagne?”
***
Seth was lying to himself. He’d been doing it for most of his life, so he was used to it by now. What he didn’t understand was how he could want two conflicting things at once.
Summer had been his dream since he was too young to remember, but he wanted Ryan too. And he loved Summer – that was the part he didn’t understand. How could he love her, but still want his foster brother? (He tried not to think about the incestuous implications of that, which were barely even there because it wasn’t like they were real siblings or anything, but still.)
From the day Seth had looked up from his controller to see Ryan standing in the doorway, looking like he belonged there though he was a complete stranger, there had been something between them. A spark. For years, Seth chalked it up to friendship – brotherhood, even, and Ryan had, he was sure done the same – but that wasn’t all, and Seth knew it now. It had started as a crush – hero worship, perhaps – but somewhere along the line, it had developed into something more, and Seth didn’t know how, because he sure as hell would never have let it if he was remotely in control of the situation.
Ryan didn’t have a clue. Neither did Summer, and Seth intended to keep it that way. Because no matter what else happened, she was still the girl of his dreams, the one he’d probably marry someday. They fit together in a way he couldn’t have expected. And he was happy – until Ryan had sprung the news of the engagement on him.
***
Ryan could tell something was wrong with Seth. For one thing, Seth wouldn’t look him in the eye, and he’d been uncharacteristically quiet. Normally, Ryan would try to be sympathetic and find out what was the matter, but now he was just pissed off. Why wasn’t Seth fucking happy for him? This was going to be the biggest event in his life since moving in with the Cohens. His “brother” should be excited like he was.
“Ryan?” Lindsay asked gently, wrapping an arm around his waist. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” he muttered, knowing she deserved a better answer. But she knew him all too well by this point, anyway.
“Is it Seth?”
“Yeah,” he admitted. “What’s his problem?”
“Maybe he and Summer are having issues,” Lindsay suggested. Ryan hoped desperately that that was the case and Seth would be happy for him once he and Summer figured it out, but he suspected it was a lot more complicated than that.
“Maybe,” he mumbled. “Can we talk about something else?”
“Sure. Like what?”
“Like this,” he murmured, pulling her into him and kissing her tenderly. She giggled as the kiss ended.
“I like talking about this.”
“Me too.”
They wound up sprawled on the bed, Ryan leaning over her. She pulled him down languidly. They had a whole afternoon to kill.
A knock on the door broke them apart, startled. “Who is it?” Ryan growled.
“Ryan? Can we talk?”
He looked at Lindsay. “Let her in,” she said, just as reluctant as he was.
“Come in, Summer,” Ryan called out. The door swung open.
“Oh, hi, Lindsay. Sorry for interrupting.” Summer glanced around guiltily.
“It’s fine,” Lindsay said. “Do you want me to leave?”
“Whatevs.” Summer plopped herself down on the bed. “Like I said, I don’t mean to interrupt, but I really need to talk to someone who knows Seth like I do.”
“It’s fine,” Ryan told her. “What’s up with Seth?”
She sighed. “I wish I knew? He won’t talk to me.”
“Are you fighting?” Lindsay asked, glancing at Ryan.
“No, not really. I mean, if we are, I don’t know about it. Things were fine until –” She abruptly cut off.
“What?”
“…until you guys got here,” Summer said.
Ryan wanted Seth’s stupid problems to just go away. “I have no idea what’s going on with him,” he told her. “He hasn’t said a word to me since we arrived.”
“He hasn't? That’s really weird. Don’t you guys talk, like, all the time? I usually have to yell at him to get off the phone and talk to me.”
“Yeah, we do,” was all Ryan said.
“Have you talked to him about it?” Lindsay asked the room at large.
“No,” Ryan said.
“Not yet,” Summer responded, “but if you have no idea, I’m going to find him right now.”
“Sorry we couldn’t help,” Lindsay told her as she walked out, closing their door behind her.
Ryan grinned deviously at his fiancée. “Now, where were we?”
***
Seth was in the pool house when Summer walked in, staring up at the ceiling from his position on Ryan’s old bed.
“Hey,” she said tentatively. He sighed.
“You found me.”
“I didn’t have to look very hard.”
“Oh.” He seemed deep within his own head.
“Seth, what’s up with you? You’re not talking to me, you’re not talking to Ryan… I don’t get it. You guys talk, like, all the time. And you never shut up around me, either. Actually, you just never shut up, period. Please, talk to me. You know you can tell me anything.”
Seth looked at her then, really looked at her. “Not this.”
It had to be something really, really bad, she knew, for him not to talk about it. “Well then, can you at least talk to your parents? Because we all want to celebrate with Ryan and Lindsay without you being a wet blanket.”
“I don’t know,” Seth said. Then he whispered something she barely caught, but it almost sounded like I miss Marissa.
“What?” That didn’t make any sense.
“I miss Marissa. But you weren’t really supposed to hear that.”
“Since when do you and Coop even talk to each other?”
“We don’t. But you guys do. At least when Ryan was dating Marissa, we could all hang out. Now… I don’t know. You and Lindsay aren’t that comfortable around each other, and I don’t feel like I really know her either. I miss the Fantastic Four. I miss high school, for Moses’ sake, which is the really weird part. Remember sophomore year, when Ryan first got here, when you and I were first dating? Before there were alcoholic mothers and lesbian ex-girlfriends and dead psycho criminal brothers. When we were a group.” He sighed heavily.
She reached for his hand. “Seth, the ‘good old days’ weren’t really that great. Remember what sophomore year was like? With Oliver and Luke sleeping with Coop’s mom? Besides, Ryan and Marissa were awful together. They just never worked as a couple. Would you really want Ryan to be unhappy?”
“I guess not.” Seth didn’t look like he meant it, though.
Summer knew there was something he wasn’t telling her, but she didn’t want to push it. “You know you can always talk to me, right?”
Seth smiled at her, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I know.”
And they were quiet for a long while.
***
Seth did listen to Summer and tried to cheer up, at least outwardly, in time for dinner. It didn’t really work, but he figured he could always pretend to be happy. He was good at that.
Dinner started out well. The six of them talked about college and work and what they’d all been up to lately, and Seth kept himself under control. But when he saw Lindsay and Ryan clasping hands just under the table, he couldn’t deal with this anymore.
Seth stood up, halting the conversation, and threw his napkin down. “I’m sorry,” he said, deliberately not looking at anyone, “but I can’t deal with this. Summer, don’t wait up for me.” He stormed upstairs to his room and locked the door. At least Captain Oats would understand.
Seth was on his bed, holding the faithful Captain, when there was a sharp knock on his door. “Not now,” he called out angrily.
“Seth? We need to talk. Now.” His father’s voice was stern, almost scary.
“Dad?” Seth opened the door. “What’s up?”
“You know very well what’s up. What I want to know is what’s up with you. Why would you leave the dinner table like that? Your mother is very upset. Summer, Ryan and Lindsay all want to know what they did wrong. And, frankly, Seth, I’m at a loss.”
Seth realized this wasn’t going to be a quick conversation. “Sit down.” He shut his door and locked it again. Sandy sat on the bed next to him.
“Dad,” Seth started, “I know this is going to sound weird. I don’t really understand it myself. But seeing Ryan and Lindsay together, knowing they’re getting married, it’s, like, really upsetting. I know I should be happy for him, and I wish I could be, but I’m just… not. I’m sorry.” He shrugged, trying to downplay his words, which Sandy didn’t buy for a minute.
“Seth.” His voice was gentle now.
“Yes, father?”
“Do you remember the conversation we had last year?”
“Which one? We’ve had a lot of conversations.”
“You know which one I mean. Don't be deliberately obtuse.”
Seth sighed. “Fine, yes, I know which one you mean.”
“Well, do you think that maybe this has to do with jealousy?”
Seth sputtered. “Jealousy? Are you implying that Summer and I aren’t happy together? Because we are, you know. I love her. I’m not jealous; why should I be jealous?”
“Because someone you don’t know very well is taking away someone you’re close to. Because Ryan was your first real friend, Seth. But I wonder if it’s more than that. Ever since you told me that you were bisexual, I wondered about you and Ryan.”
“Me and Ryan? Yeah, that would totally never happen, Dad. Where do you get these things? Bisexuality doesn’t mean falling in love with every person you see. Besides, Ryan’s straight. God.”
“That doesn’t mean you can’t have feelings for him.”
“Do I want to know how you know these things? No, you know what, don’t answer that. Please. Dad. I do not have feelings for Ryan. I just don’t like Lindsay. That’s all. Now, will you please leave my room? Captain Oats and I were having some quality bonding time when you interrupted.”
“You’d rather talk to a plastic horse than to me?” Sandy pretended to be insulted.
“Dad. Out!”
“All right, all right. But you know you can always talk to me if you need to.”
“I know! Go away!” Seth threw a pillow at the door as Sandy left. He lay back on his bed, grabbing his horse. “That was really weird, Captain Oats. You’re lucky you don't have parents around to traumatize you. What’s that? You never knew your parents? Dude, I really envy you right about now.”
***
Sandy was out of his element. He was a very open-minded person, and he’d meant what he’d told Seth about his sexuality – it didn’t matter as long as he was happy – but he didn’t really know how to deal with this kind of thing. His son having girl problems, that he could deal with. Even having to have “the talk,” uncomfortable though it was. But his son having boy problems – man problems – that was a different thing altogether. So he did what he always did in times of uncertainty. He went to his wife.
“Honey?”
She was lying in bed, reading. “What?”
“Do you know what’s wrong with Seth?”
“I thought you were going to find that out.” Absently, she turned a page.
“I was. I mean, I did, but I don’t think he was entirely honest with me.” Here Sandy hesitated. When Seth had confided in him last year, he had made Sandy promise not to tell anyone. Even, and perhaps especially, Kirsten. Sandy knew Seth would tell his mother in his own time, and he didn’t want to break Seth’s confidence, but at the same time, he needed to know what she would do.
“Well, you know Seth. He’ll come to us when he’s ready.”
“What if he’s never ready?”
“What does that mean?” Kirsten put her book down. “Sandy?”
“Seth told me something about himself last year that he made me promise not to tell, but I don’t think I can handle this alone,” Sandy said as directly as he could. Kirsten just looked at him. “He’s bisexual. And I think his problem is that he’s jealous of Lindsay.”
“Uh-huh. And what did he say when you asked him about it?” She seemed less fazed than he’d thought she would be.
“Oh, he denied it, but I can tell when Seth is lying. I have a sixth sense for it.”
“Sandy, maybe we should leave him alone for a little while. This is a big deal for all of us. And you know how Seth likes attention. He’s probably just upset that he won’t have Ryan to himself anymore. Besides, he’s happy with Summer.”
“Maybe,” Sandy said doubtfully. “But I don’t want him ruining this for Ryan and Lindsay.”
“He won’t,” Kirsten assured her husband. “Seth wouldn’t do that. Sure, he’s upset right now, but once he gets used to it he’ll try to be happy for Ryan. He’d never sabotage their relationship like that.”
“I just can’t live like we’ve got a moping teenager under our roof for the next few weeks. Seth is an adult now. He needs to be responsible for the way he acts.”
“I know. But I think he’s trying in his own way.” She yawned. “Let’s see how things go tomorrow. I’m going to sleep now.”
“All right.” He kissed her forehead tenderly. “But if he’s still like this in the morning…”
“…we’ll talk then,” she agreed, closing her eyes as Sandy turned out the light.
***
Seth had always had vivid dreams. Usually, they involved superheroes, and often he dreamt about what would have happened when Summer dressed as Wonder Woman for him if Anna had never walked in. But tonight his dream shifted.
He was falling off a building, screaming at the top of his lungs, when someone in a cape swooped in under him and stopped his rapid descent. Seth turned his head to thank the person and see who it was –
“Ryan?”
“That’s SuperRyan to you,” his rescuer replied.
“What? Who talks like that?” Seth sighed. “Never mind. What are you doing? Why are you wearing that cape?”
“I’m saving you,” SuperRyan said. “You were falling. I’m your knight in shining armor, in case you hadn’t noticed.”
“Of course I noticed,” Seth said. “Nice horse.” They were in a forest and Seth was riding behind Ryan, straddling him almost as much as the horse.
“Her name is Elsie.” Ryan turned around and kissed him, hard.
“Thank you,” Seth said. “Thank you, Elsie.”
“Would you like to feed her a carrot?” Ryan asked.
“Sure,” Seth said as his index finger became a carrot. “Here, little pony.”
She ate his finger. His blood was orange – carrot-colored.
Seth woke up with a start. “Fuck.” He reached for the light. It was 10 AM – he’d slept through most of the morning.
I should call Summer and apologize, he thought. Knowing Summer, she’d probably be pissed. He grabbed his cell phone from his nightstand and dialed hers.
“Cohen? Where are you?”
“Good morning to you too, Summer.”
“Very funny, Seth. Seriously, where are you? What happened last night?” She sounded genuinely concerned, and Seth felt like the biggest tool ever.
“I just woke up. No cause for panic. I’m sorry about last night, though.” He took a deep breath, knowing nothing he could say would be explanation enough for her. “I don’t know what happened. Maybe I should be on medication or something. Or I was probably drunk. Yeah. That’s it.” He paused. “I was drunk.”
“No, you weren’t. I don’t understand what’s going on with you. I thought we were okay.”
“We are! Summer, it’s not about you. I mean, there is no ‘it,’ but if there was an ‘it,’ it wouldn’t be about you at all. I swear. Um. I have to get dressed, can I call you back later?”
“Whatever, Cohen. You’re acting really weird. I’m coming over.” The line went dead.
Seth felt around in his suitcase for some clean clothes. It turned out he didn’t have any, because he’d brought all his laundry home from college for Rosa to take care of. Well, it wasn’t like Summer hadn’t seen him in pajamas before.
The OC, Ryan/Seth. Written 9/18/05. 2994 words.
This was based on another dream I had, though a far more plausible and canon-compliant one.
It was Chrismukkah, and Seth was waiting for a miracle.
After all, it wasn’t every day your foster brother announced his engagement to your half-aunt – and it definitely wasn’t every day that you were miserable about it.
Ryan and Lindsay were positively glowing. They had matching rings and everything. And Seth wanted to kick them and then run screaming from the room.
After Trey’s death, things had taken a while to make sense again. While Seth and Summer were there for each other, Ryan and Marissa couldn’t handle the intensity of what had happened and their relationship quickly fell apart. Ryan wound up at college near Chicago and before long, he and Lindsay were back together, happy and in love (and glowing, Seth mentally added sourly). Seth went to Berkeley and Summer was at UCLA, but they spent as much time together as humanly possible.
So Seth didn’t know what his problem was. Things were great with Summer. She was perfect, everything he ever wanted. Why couldn’t he just be happy for Ryan?
Meanwhile, after breaking up with Ryan for the last time, Marissa had seriously tried to kill herself. She was still in rehab in San Diego – at the same facility they’d saved her from several years before.
Sandy and Kirsten were beaming at Ryan and Lindsay, standing across the kitchen island from them. “Well, I’d say this calls for a celebration,” Sandy said. He turned to Kirsten. “Honey, do we have any champagne?”
***
Seth was lying to himself. He’d been doing it for most of his life, so he was used to it by now. What he didn’t understand was how he could want two conflicting things at once.
Summer had been his dream since he was too young to remember, but he wanted Ryan too. And he loved Summer – that was the part he didn’t understand. How could he love her, but still want his foster brother? (He tried not to think about the incestuous implications of that, which were barely even there because it wasn’t like they were real siblings or anything, but still.)
From the day Seth had looked up from his controller to see Ryan standing in the doorway, looking like he belonged there though he was a complete stranger, there had been something between them. A spark. For years, Seth chalked it up to friendship – brotherhood, even, and Ryan had, he was sure done the same – but that wasn’t all, and Seth knew it now. It had started as a crush – hero worship, perhaps – but somewhere along the line, it had developed into something more, and Seth didn’t know how, because he sure as hell would never have let it if he was remotely in control of the situation.
Ryan didn’t have a clue. Neither did Summer, and Seth intended to keep it that way. Because no matter what else happened, she was still the girl of his dreams, the one he’d probably marry someday. They fit together in a way he couldn’t have expected. And he was happy – until Ryan had sprung the news of the engagement on him.
***
Ryan could tell something was wrong with Seth. For one thing, Seth wouldn’t look him in the eye, and he’d been uncharacteristically quiet. Normally, Ryan would try to be sympathetic and find out what was the matter, but now he was just pissed off. Why wasn’t Seth fucking happy for him? This was going to be the biggest event in his life since moving in with the Cohens. His “brother” should be excited like he was.
“Ryan?” Lindsay asked gently, wrapping an arm around his waist. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” he muttered, knowing she deserved a better answer. But she knew him all too well by this point, anyway.
“Is it Seth?”
“Yeah,” he admitted. “What’s his problem?”
“Maybe he and Summer are having issues,” Lindsay suggested. Ryan hoped desperately that that was the case and Seth would be happy for him once he and Summer figured it out, but he suspected it was a lot more complicated than that.
“Maybe,” he mumbled. “Can we talk about something else?”
“Sure. Like what?”
“Like this,” he murmured, pulling her into him and kissing her tenderly. She giggled as the kiss ended.
“I like talking about this.”
“Me too.”
They wound up sprawled on the bed, Ryan leaning over her. She pulled him down languidly. They had a whole afternoon to kill.
A knock on the door broke them apart, startled. “Who is it?” Ryan growled.
“Ryan? Can we talk?”
He looked at Lindsay. “Let her in,” she said, just as reluctant as he was.
“Come in, Summer,” Ryan called out. The door swung open.
“Oh, hi, Lindsay. Sorry for interrupting.” Summer glanced around guiltily.
“It’s fine,” Lindsay said. “Do you want me to leave?”
“Whatevs.” Summer plopped herself down on the bed. “Like I said, I don’t mean to interrupt, but I really need to talk to someone who knows Seth like I do.”
“It’s fine,” Ryan told her. “What’s up with Seth?”
She sighed. “I wish I knew? He won’t talk to me.”
“Are you fighting?” Lindsay asked, glancing at Ryan.
“No, not really. I mean, if we are, I don’t know about it. Things were fine until –” She abruptly cut off.
“What?”
“…until you guys got here,” Summer said.
Ryan wanted Seth’s stupid problems to just go away. “I have no idea what’s going on with him,” he told her. “He hasn’t said a word to me since we arrived.”
“He hasn't? That’s really weird. Don’t you guys talk, like, all the time? I usually have to yell at him to get off the phone and talk to me.”
“Yeah, we do,” was all Ryan said.
“Have you talked to him about it?” Lindsay asked the room at large.
“No,” Ryan said.
“Not yet,” Summer responded, “but if you have no idea, I’m going to find him right now.”
“Sorry we couldn’t help,” Lindsay told her as she walked out, closing their door behind her.
Ryan grinned deviously at his fiancée. “Now, where were we?”
***
Seth was in the pool house when Summer walked in, staring up at the ceiling from his position on Ryan’s old bed.
“Hey,” she said tentatively. He sighed.
“You found me.”
“I didn’t have to look very hard.”
“Oh.” He seemed deep within his own head.
“Seth, what’s up with you? You’re not talking to me, you’re not talking to Ryan… I don’t get it. You guys talk, like, all the time. And you never shut up around me, either. Actually, you just never shut up, period. Please, talk to me. You know you can tell me anything.”
Seth looked at her then, really looked at her. “Not this.”
It had to be something really, really bad, she knew, for him not to talk about it. “Well then, can you at least talk to your parents? Because we all want to celebrate with Ryan and Lindsay without you being a wet blanket.”
“I don’t know,” Seth said. Then he whispered something she barely caught, but it almost sounded like I miss Marissa.
“What?” That didn’t make any sense.
“I miss Marissa. But you weren’t really supposed to hear that.”
“Since when do you and Coop even talk to each other?”
“We don’t. But you guys do. At least when Ryan was dating Marissa, we could all hang out. Now… I don’t know. You and Lindsay aren’t that comfortable around each other, and I don’t feel like I really know her either. I miss the Fantastic Four. I miss high school, for Moses’ sake, which is the really weird part. Remember sophomore year, when Ryan first got here, when you and I were first dating? Before there were alcoholic mothers and lesbian ex-girlfriends and dead psycho criminal brothers. When we were a group.” He sighed heavily.
She reached for his hand. “Seth, the ‘good old days’ weren’t really that great. Remember what sophomore year was like? With Oliver and Luke sleeping with Coop’s mom? Besides, Ryan and Marissa were awful together. They just never worked as a couple. Would you really want Ryan to be unhappy?”
“I guess not.” Seth didn’t look like he meant it, though.
Summer knew there was something he wasn’t telling her, but she didn’t want to push it. “You know you can always talk to me, right?”
Seth smiled at her, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I know.”
And they were quiet for a long while.
***
Seth did listen to Summer and tried to cheer up, at least outwardly, in time for dinner. It didn’t really work, but he figured he could always pretend to be happy. He was good at that.
Dinner started out well. The six of them talked about college and work and what they’d all been up to lately, and Seth kept himself under control. But when he saw Lindsay and Ryan clasping hands just under the table, he couldn’t deal with this anymore.
Seth stood up, halting the conversation, and threw his napkin down. “I’m sorry,” he said, deliberately not looking at anyone, “but I can’t deal with this. Summer, don’t wait up for me.” He stormed upstairs to his room and locked the door. At least Captain Oats would understand.
Seth was on his bed, holding the faithful Captain, when there was a sharp knock on his door. “Not now,” he called out angrily.
“Seth? We need to talk. Now.” His father’s voice was stern, almost scary.
“Dad?” Seth opened the door. “What’s up?”
“You know very well what’s up. What I want to know is what’s up with you. Why would you leave the dinner table like that? Your mother is very upset. Summer, Ryan and Lindsay all want to know what they did wrong. And, frankly, Seth, I’m at a loss.”
Seth realized this wasn’t going to be a quick conversation. “Sit down.” He shut his door and locked it again. Sandy sat on the bed next to him.
“Dad,” Seth started, “I know this is going to sound weird. I don’t really understand it myself. But seeing Ryan and Lindsay together, knowing they’re getting married, it’s, like, really upsetting. I know I should be happy for him, and I wish I could be, but I’m just… not. I’m sorry.” He shrugged, trying to downplay his words, which Sandy didn’t buy for a minute.
“Seth.” His voice was gentle now.
“Yes, father?”
“Do you remember the conversation we had last year?”
“Which one? We’ve had a lot of conversations.”
“You know which one I mean. Don't be deliberately obtuse.”
Seth sighed. “Fine, yes, I know which one you mean.”
“Well, do you think that maybe this has to do with jealousy?”
Seth sputtered. “Jealousy? Are you implying that Summer and I aren’t happy together? Because we are, you know. I love her. I’m not jealous; why should I be jealous?”
“Because someone you don’t know very well is taking away someone you’re close to. Because Ryan was your first real friend, Seth. But I wonder if it’s more than that. Ever since you told me that you were bisexual, I wondered about you and Ryan.”
“Me and Ryan? Yeah, that would totally never happen, Dad. Where do you get these things? Bisexuality doesn’t mean falling in love with every person you see. Besides, Ryan’s straight. God.”
“That doesn’t mean you can’t have feelings for him.”
“Do I want to know how you know these things? No, you know what, don’t answer that. Please. Dad. I do not have feelings for Ryan. I just don’t like Lindsay. That’s all. Now, will you please leave my room? Captain Oats and I were having some quality bonding time when you interrupted.”
“You’d rather talk to a plastic horse than to me?” Sandy pretended to be insulted.
“Dad. Out!”
“All right, all right. But you know you can always talk to me if you need to.”
“I know! Go away!” Seth threw a pillow at the door as Sandy left. He lay back on his bed, grabbing his horse. “That was really weird, Captain Oats. You’re lucky you don't have parents around to traumatize you. What’s that? You never knew your parents? Dude, I really envy you right about now.”
***
Sandy was out of his element. He was a very open-minded person, and he’d meant what he’d told Seth about his sexuality – it didn’t matter as long as he was happy – but he didn’t really know how to deal with this kind of thing. His son having girl problems, that he could deal with. Even having to have “the talk,” uncomfortable though it was. But his son having boy problems – man problems – that was a different thing altogether. So he did what he always did in times of uncertainty. He went to his wife.
“Honey?”
She was lying in bed, reading. “What?”
“Do you know what’s wrong with Seth?”
“I thought you were going to find that out.” Absently, she turned a page.
“I was. I mean, I did, but I don’t think he was entirely honest with me.” Here Sandy hesitated. When Seth had confided in him last year, he had made Sandy promise not to tell anyone. Even, and perhaps especially, Kirsten. Sandy knew Seth would tell his mother in his own time, and he didn’t want to break Seth’s confidence, but at the same time, he needed to know what she would do.
“Well, you know Seth. He’ll come to us when he’s ready.”
“What if he’s never ready?”
“What does that mean?” Kirsten put her book down. “Sandy?”
“Seth told me something about himself last year that he made me promise not to tell, but I don’t think I can handle this alone,” Sandy said as directly as he could. Kirsten just looked at him. “He’s bisexual. And I think his problem is that he’s jealous of Lindsay.”
“Uh-huh. And what did he say when you asked him about it?” She seemed less fazed than he’d thought she would be.
“Oh, he denied it, but I can tell when Seth is lying. I have a sixth sense for it.”
“Sandy, maybe we should leave him alone for a little while. This is a big deal for all of us. And you know how Seth likes attention. He’s probably just upset that he won’t have Ryan to himself anymore. Besides, he’s happy with Summer.”
“Maybe,” Sandy said doubtfully. “But I don’t want him ruining this for Ryan and Lindsay.”
“He won’t,” Kirsten assured her husband. “Seth wouldn’t do that. Sure, he’s upset right now, but once he gets used to it he’ll try to be happy for Ryan. He’d never sabotage their relationship like that.”
“I just can’t live like we’ve got a moping teenager under our roof for the next few weeks. Seth is an adult now. He needs to be responsible for the way he acts.”
“I know. But I think he’s trying in his own way.” She yawned. “Let’s see how things go tomorrow. I’m going to sleep now.”
“All right.” He kissed her forehead tenderly. “But if he’s still like this in the morning…”
“…we’ll talk then,” she agreed, closing her eyes as Sandy turned out the light.
***
Seth had always had vivid dreams. Usually, they involved superheroes, and often he dreamt about what would have happened when Summer dressed as Wonder Woman for him if Anna had never walked in. But tonight his dream shifted.
He was falling off a building, screaming at the top of his lungs, when someone in a cape swooped in under him and stopped his rapid descent. Seth turned his head to thank the person and see who it was –
“Ryan?”
“That’s SuperRyan to you,” his rescuer replied.
“What? Who talks like that?” Seth sighed. “Never mind. What are you doing? Why are you wearing that cape?”
“I’m saving you,” SuperRyan said. “You were falling. I’m your knight in shining armor, in case you hadn’t noticed.”
“Of course I noticed,” Seth said. “Nice horse.” They were in a forest and Seth was riding behind Ryan, straddling him almost as much as the horse.
“Her name is Elsie.” Ryan turned around and kissed him, hard.
“Thank you,” Seth said. “Thank you, Elsie.”
“Would you like to feed her a carrot?” Ryan asked.
“Sure,” Seth said as his index finger became a carrot. “Here, little pony.”
She ate his finger. His blood was orange – carrot-colored.
Seth woke up with a start. “Fuck.” He reached for the light. It was 10 AM – he’d slept through most of the morning.
I should call Summer and apologize, he thought. Knowing Summer, she’d probably be pissed. He grabbed his cell phone from his nightstand and dialed hers.
“Cohen? Where are you?”
“Good morning to you too, Summer.”
“Very funny, Seth. Seriously, where are you? What happened last night?” She sounded genuinely concerned, and Seth felt like the biggest tool ever.
“I just woke up. No cause for panic. I’m sorry about last night, though.” He took a deep breath, knowing nothing he could say would be explanation enough for her. “I don’t know what happened. Maybe I should be on medication or something. Or I was probably drunk. Yeah. That’s it.” He paused. “I was drunk.”
“No, you weren’t. I don’t understand what’s going on with you. I thought we were okay.”
“We are! Summer, it’s not about you. I mean, there is no ‘it,’ but if there was an ‘it,’ it wouldn’t be about you at all. I swear. Um. I have to get dressed, can I call you back later?”
“Whatever, Cohen. You’re acting really weird. I’m coming over.” The line went dead.
Seth felt around in his suitcase for some clean clothes. It turned out he didn’t have any, because he’d brought all his laundry home from college for Rosa to take care of. Well, it wasn’t like Summer hadn’t seen him in pajamas before.
